WEALTH OF EMOTION

　
I watched a show talking about the lack of tear-jerker movies, you know, the ones that always make you cry no matter how many times you’ve seen them. That got me thinking, and realizing the degree to which we seem to have learned to hide our emotions. I wonder if that’s a good thing. It is wise to guard your ‘self‘, especially in this era of “friending” strangers and social networking, but protecting yourself from the highs and lows of personal emotion may not be so wise.

I’m a baby boomer. Brought up watching Lady & the Tramp, Old Yeller, Bambi … lovely, heartwarming movies that also delivered some tough blows. Real life; the school of hard knocks. We learned to suck it up and go on watching the movie, get on with the life. In retrospect, I think those lessons served me well.

As a woman dealing with a glass ceiling and a lot of prejudice, it was absolutely necessary to remain devoid of emotion back in the 1970’s. Everything was very business-like, very professional…just facts and figures, good and bad. The better I became at that, the more I saw only black and white…. No blue skies, no red roses … just on to the next “level”, the next rung on the ladder, the next goal achieved, the next paycheck. I missed out on so much that I can never re-gain. Events, attached to emotions, are stored in the brain as more easily-recalled memories. So, guarding my emotions while going about my life was not in my own best interest! Memories lost, buried in the recesses of the mind. I can’t go back, but I can change that for my future.

I allow myself to cry ~ over the birth of children (and bear cubs♥); at the sight of an injured deer, struggling to survive winter. I feel deeply and pray for stranger-friends who are going through heartbreak I cannot even fathom, and I cry. I rejoice for a friend and her dream home, christened with tears of laughter and joy. I recognize my aging parents won’t be here forever, and my heart aches.

But I also laugh. With my parents, recalling happy memories of the past and sharing precious moments in the present; at myself, shoveling snow barefoot, in my robe; at the corny jokes I read in my e-mails and on social networks; at the funny pictures posted by family and friends; at the cats, stalking a flock of turkeys; at the mess I made when a pot of chicken stock blew up all over the kitchen last week. I think laughter truly is the best medicine.

As I grow older and wiser, I realize that only by allowing myself to be emotional ~ by engaging my heart as well as my brain ~ the memories of my life become richer. That is genuine wealth.

Black Elk
Oglala Sioux Holy Man 1863-1950

You have noticed that everything an Indian does is in a circle, and that is because the Power of the World always works in circles, and everything tries to be round..... The Sky is round, and I have heard that the earth is round like a ball, and so are all the stars. The wind, in its greatest power, whirls. Birds make their nest in circles, for theirs is the same religion as ours....Even the seasons form a great circle in their changing, and always come back again to where they were. The life of a man is a circle from childhood to childhood, and so it is in everything where power moves.

 

Down the Rainbow Bridge's Road

I'm looking out my window onto an ice-glazed driveway, grateful I don't have to go anywhere for a couple of days.  (Now don't go worryin', there's another way in and out!!)  The ice is mostly of my own doing ~ I invite a small herd of deer and a flock of turkeys to dine at the driveway daily, because it's too hard for me to get to the feeding rock by this time of winter. And this is when the critters need it most.

From the perch in my sunny west window, I am watching deer and turkey in the woods below.  Some are bedded down, some chewing on sappling and shrub limbs.  Nourishment is scarce, and so I feed them.  But in spirit, it is they who feed me.

Have you ever seen a tiny, newborn fawn? I did, once, from this window. When Mama deer walked away, I grabbed the camera and slipped out the door, tiptoeing barefoot across the gravel driveway onto the grass, to a spot a few feet away from where the baby had been birthed.  I got a quiet few snapshots and tiptoed backwards, away.  I need to go looking for those pictures... It's what prompted the name for our driveway/road when the new 911 system insisted. Fawn Haven Trail.


I am undeniably human.  I complain, I know.  But when I look outside my windows and see the beauty that surrounds me, I am grateful to be here. To be alive, to be able to SEE.  To be able to share my pictures and my thoughts. I have been so richly blessed.

When we show our respect for other living things, they respond with respect for us ~ Arapaho Proverb

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-q7Mih69KE

Life in the Fast Lane

I embrace technology, to the extent I can afford and understand it.  And my understanding grows by leaps and bounds, as my pocketbook is lightened!!!  I use facebook, twitter, a cell phone with text messaging and SMS updates, and even used my cell phone instead of the computer to access the internet.

Today via satellite TV, I am witnessing what amounts to a coup d'état, brought about in no small way because of technology.  The Egyptian people have ousted their leader and are forcing radical change in their country, in no small part because they were able to use their cell phones, twitter and the internet to maintain communication and empower each other with the sheer number of protestors.  Just last night, it did not seem like a peaceful outcome was to be had.  But the world was watching, and any brutal crackdown of the protesors would have been immediately broadcast by thousands of cell phones.  What a difference a day makes.  Congratulations to those who are winning the fight for a more democratic country.  I just hope reality will meet expectations.  And dispite all the speed with which we can communicate world-wide, this transition will not happen overnight.

The pace of life in today's world has escalated exponentially over the past several decades.  I wonder how much the better we REALLY are, for all the advances?  Yes, I utilize many of them and would probably be lost without some.  But I am also less stressed and more centered, when I walk away from the 'pace' and find my own out in the garden, or walking through the woods.  I know I feel healthier after having been outside without ringing phones, beeping timers and e-mail notifications.  Stress is toxic, and the pace at which we feel compelled to move, can indeed be stressful.  So it is up to each of us to STOP, breathe slowly and deeply, and take time for ourselves away from the hustle and bustle.   I am trying to follow my own advice.... maybe that's why I have written it here.  As a reminder to self.... slow down, breathe, take in the beauty that surrounds me and appreciate it, internalize it. Step back from the techno-pace.

Just don't take away my digital camera.....

Signs of Spring

If my observations are valid,  good ole' Punxatawnny Phil accurately predicted an early spring.  Of course, with temperatures hovering around zero and everything covered in layer upon layer of snow and ice, it may be wishful thinking!!  But my flock of turkeys has returned and today, I saw chickadees pairing up in flight and smacking their wings together, much like their eagle brothers doing their in-flight mating dance. I have not yet seen the eagles ... maybe today? 

From my perch at the living room window about 15' above ground, I am watching the flock of turkeys run across the neighbors frozen field into the woods surrounding my home, camoflauged by the tree trunks and baren thickets.   I wonder if they know I am watching?  I am constantly amazed by the resilience of Nature's creatures ~ the lame deer that survives to give birth to her fawn, the tiny birds flying in the face of stiff winter winds, the nearly naked, newborn bear cubs born in a den in -30 actual temperatures, and their "hibernating" mother who creates nourishment for them although she hasn't eaten in months. 

Sometimes I think we all would be better off, if we could live in survival mode.  At least then, my stored fat layer would serve a purpose....

Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one thread within it.

Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect. We are a part of the earth and it is part of us  ~  Chief Seattle 

Lily the black bear den cam:

http://www.bear.org/livecams/lily-hope-cam.html

Life in a Snow Globe

I started to write this "chapter" a full week ago and am just getting back to it.  February 1st was a beautiful, snowy day and I was enchanted by it as I often am.  But then the sleet, freezing rain and ice took over for the snow, and my time was spend in chopping, removing snow from roofs, shoveling off decks, and all that is necessary when the weight of snow and ice becomes a risk that requires attention. 

Just this moment, the sun came out.  I'll take that as a sign to go ahead and post this entry before I run outside to try to capture a few moments in time with the camera.  


Feb. 1, 2011:  You might wonder how someone who grew up in south Florida, would end up living in the snowy and cold northeast.  All I can tell you is, is felt like coming home.  I was born in Pennsylvania but the family moved south when I was 5.  It is said that the early childhood years are most formative; for me, that appears to have been spot on. 

From Florida, to Long Island, NY was a big jump when we made it in 1973.  By 1987, we were happy ensconsed in Northport, where Long Island Sound and the water was a summer haven.  But I longed for the hills and the wildlife that only the "country" can provide.  So we went looking for a little piece of land... and came upon this spot in Pennsylvania.

It came about, that it was not practical to think we could maintain our New York home, and keep the get-away.  Our friends thought we were absolutely crazy when we left NY and moved to the summer house ... no jobs, no financial "cushion".  But for me, the thought of giving up the country land in favor of maintaining a lifestyle in which success did NOT bring peace, well ... it was a no-brainer. 



20 years later, it is plain to see that we made the right choice.  Although I may complain from time to time, I would not trade this past 20 years for anything.  Through the years of scrimping and saving, hard work, set-backs and steps forward, I have always felt like Pennsylvania is where I belong.  Living among nature as we do has been the joy of my life.  I have no "career" any more, yet I am more successful in my soul than I can explain.  I hope my photographs convey that to my grandchildren, and their children.  I hope this land stays in the guardianship of my family long after I am gone, and that they will treasure and enjoy it's strength and beauty as I do. 

What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.
~ Crowfoot, Blackfoot warrior and orator